


Untitled (Yunho/Changmin)

by cease



Category: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2017-11-25 02:57:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cease/pseuds/cease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don’t drink so that they can have sex, they have sex because they drink – or so Changmin tells himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled (Yunho/Changmin)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta [vampcircus1](http://vampcircus1.livejournal.com/).

1.

 

There are aspects of their relationship that are considered common knowledge among members of the company, their friends and even their fans. Like the fact that Changmin nags Yunho. Their friends are happy to share their observations about it, variety show hosts are happy to laugh along with it and Yunho is happy to complain about it.

And then there are aspects that only some people know.

Like how they fight like cats and dogs. Yunho’s friends know that when he doesn’t mention Changmin during an entire conversation, it’s not a good idea to bring up the younger man’s name. Their make-up artists know because Yunho’s knuckles are scraped and slightly swollen from where he had punched a wall and they have to use the thickest concealer to cover the redness. Changmin has long progressed from taking his anger out on toilet paper, but his friends know to order extra comfort food when Changmin is brooding. They also know not to ask questions when Changmin blames his puffy eyes on a busy schedule and the lack of sleep.

The people who know them best will guess that it’s usually Yunho who gives in during a fight; that it’s Yunho who will apologise first – regardless of what the fight had actually been about. In reality, however, Yunho is more stubborn than that and would rarely admit to something he didn’t do, or apologise for something he believed was right – even if it is Changmin he is facing. Sometimes their fights end quite simply. When their eyes meet on stage, Yunho knows that he needs – no craves – the understanding he sees reflected in Changmin’s eyes. For Changmin, when he stares at Yunho on stage, he feels an intense mixture of determination, relief and gratitude – something along the lines of, _I’m glad I am standing here with you_ and _thank you for standing here with me_. And no matter what domestic blunder Yunho had committed, he knows he could never stay mad at Yunho for long.

What no one knows is that sometimes they fall into bed together.

It’s never really intentional – or maybe that’s the real problem – but they’ve done it enough times that it’s not really awkward anymore. Sometimes Changmin will wake up with Yunho pressed against his back, sometimes he won’t. If he does wake up with Yunho in his bed, the experience is always coupled with hazy memories of the night before and a pounding headache. They don’t drink so that they can have sex, they have sex because they drink – or so Changmin tells himself.

 

2.

 

It’s Changmin who decides what brand of toothpaste they will buy, but it’s Yunho who decides when dance practice ends, whether they should rehearse one more time despite their fatigue or what they need to do to make the performance better next time around. Changmin doesn’t complain, he picks himself off the floor to go through his part again. His legs wobble and sometimes his fingers shake from exhaustion, but when the music is cut off and they are changing out of their sweaty training gear, Changmin is slower because his fingers are still shaking and he sits because his legs don’t have any strength left. Yunho sits beside him and helps him button his shirt. If he notices that Changmin’s fingers weren’t co-operating, he doesn’t mention it. He sits and tells Changmin that he’s improved, that his moves are sharper. He talks until Changmin catches his breath, until his legs are strong enough to carry him again.

They don’t hold hands off-camera. They don’t entwine their fingers, unless it’s to hold the other down on the mattress, or against the headboard or up against the wall. But they do shake hands – a strong grip and a brief squeeze before they walk onto stage or right after a satisfactory performance. To Changmin, sometimes it means _good luck_ , other times it means _well done_ , but mostly it just makes him feel strong and warm and brave.

 

3.

 

Despite his cold exterior and sharp tongue, sometimes Changmin is quite immature. But at least he is aware of that part of himself – or perhaps it’s worse because he knows he’s being immature yet does nothing to stop himself. He likes playing games, likes to press Yunho’s buttons to see how far he can push the man before he cracks. So he smiles at the pretty new PD, laughs with other artists until Yunho tells him it’s time to start getting ready and goes out with Kyuhyun and Minho until one of them calls Yunho to take Changmin’s drunk ass home.

When he thinks he’s gone too far, when Yunho’s lips thin out into a disapproving line, Changmin makes him pork rib soup and calls him _hyung_ with a shy smile. Changmin doesn’t know what he hopes to achieve by pushing Yunho’s patience, but it’s definitely not to be on the receiving end of one of Yunho’s lectures. Fortunately, Yunho is nothing if not predictable and by the time the soup is finished, the lecture ends and Yunho would be ruffling his hair and grinning so fondly at him that Changmin’s returning smile is genuinely shy. (Actually, sometimes he thinks the reason why he pushes Yunho is to see if one day he could go far enough that Yunho doesn’t forgive him. Except then Changmin wouldn’t know what to do with himself and really, that reason doesn’t make sense at all.)

But then a few weeks later the itch would be back again, telling him to do something to make Yunho mad. He thinks about what Yunho would look like furious, what it would be like to have the full force of Yunho’s anger directed entirely towards him. As luck would have it, his wish comes true.

Changmin is at the back of a club, drunk, and shoving his tongue down some girl’s throat when he’s suddenly yanked back by his shirt collar. He catches a glimpse of Yunho’s face before he loses his balance and falls. He lands on the dirty ground in the middle of the empty street, staring at Yunho in shock. The pain shooting up his back from his fall does not worry him as much as realising that Yunho had let him fall – that Yunho had pulled him hard enough to make him land on his ass in the middle of a dirty street.

‘I’m sorry, my friend is drunk,’ Yunho is saying to the girl he had left the club with, ‘Are you okay?’

Yunho’s words are kind and his voice is soft, but Changmin can practically see anger radiating from his stiff shoulders. Fortunately, the girl is none the wiser.

‘It—it’s okay,’ the girl stumbles and flushes deeply. ‘I—I’m okay’

Yunho pats her shoulder gently, ‘Let me call you a taxi. It’s not safe for a girl to be out alone at this hour.’

The girl seems confused and glances at Changmin briefly as if to say, _I wasn’t alone_ , but nods anyway, probably catching on to the fact that she isn’t going to get anywhere with Changmin tonight.

Changmin watches as Yunho makes a call and then walks her towards the main street to wait for the taxi. He knows that Yunho would probably use that time to ask the girl to keep quiet about the events of tonight. Changmin suddenly feels nauseous, shame burning in the pit of his stomach. He had been reckless and so utterly stupid that he wonders what was wrong with him. For the first time since he had started this stupid game, Changmin is truly scared – because if there was anything that could make Yunho truly angry, it would be irresponsible actions that risked the image and reputation they had worked so hard to create.

When Yunho comes back, Changmin is still sitting on the ground, staring blankly at him.

‘Get up,’ Yunho says.

The drive back home is silent, but once they enter the apartment and the door is closed behind them, Yunho pushes him against the wall.

‘What is wrong with you,’ he hisses.

Changmin thinks he can see the disappointment clear in Yunho’s eyes and he looks away.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says softly, head bent forward and resting against Yunho’s shoulder. ‘I’m sorry,’ he repeats against Yunho’s neck.

‘You know the rules Changmin,’ Yunho says, moving away. ‘Date someone within the company or date someone in secret. Not make out in public with strangers who could go to the media the next day.’

Changmin’s nausea returns as he watches Yunho walk away and disappear into his room, shutting the door behind him. He spends the rest of the night heaving into the toilet loud enough to wake the neighbours, but Yunho does not come into the bathroom to check up on him. It is then that Changmin realises the game had never been about pushing Yunho’s buttons– the itch was never to make Yunho mad. What he had craved time and time again, was the triumphant feeling whenever Yunho cracked the first smile after a fight, the knowledge that he could make Yunho forgive him no matter what he had done.

 

4.

 

It’s always Changmin’s room.

Sometimes it’s on Changmin’s desk or against Changmin’s wall or Changmin’s door, but mostly it’s in Changmin’s bed.

It’s not because Yunho locks his door or that he forbids Changmin from coming into his room (because he doesn’t do any of that), it’s simply because Changmin doesn’t enter Yunho’s room unless it’s to wake him. Actually, most of the time Changmin just shouts at him from the doorway.

It’s always Yunho who follows Changmin into his room, both stumbling from varying degrees of intoxication. It’s always Yunho’s clothes scattered around Changmin’s room – a pair of pants dangling from the back of a chair, a belt kicked to the corner of the room, a sock behind the stereo system. Changmin’s clothes don’t make it into Yunho’s room, apart from the occasional laundry mix up.

It’s an unspoken line. A step Changmin refuses to take.

If Changmin thinks about it long enough, he would admit that the line is there because he put it there. He likes being able to kick Yunho out of his bed with an annoyed look in the mornings, usually while clutching his head in pain. Yunho would simply shrug and start gathering his clothes. (Once, a long time ago, Yunho was apologetic when he woke to find himself naked in Changmin’s bed, but the routine is so familiar now that he doesn’t even bother speaking most of the time.)

He likes being able to blame the alcohol for impairing his judgment, to blame lust for his lack of self-control, to blame Yunho for following him into bed. The reason is simple enough; if it’s out of his control then Changmin does not have to think about it too much. It’s not like he actually decides he wants to sleep with Yunho, it just happens. They are both adults, sex happens, especially when alcohol is involved – and as long as they aren’t going out causing scandals and ending up on the front page of the papers, who cares?

 

5.

 

What Yunho wants is a simple relationship. The normal kind. The kind that he imagines university students have. He wants to date at cheap restaurants, to hold hands and walk down streets without attracting a crowd. He wants to kiss under a street lamp on a raining night, to shout confessions from the tallest rooftop in Seoul.

What he settles for is watching Changmin devour their dinner across the kitchen table, listening to Changmin complain about the mess in their bathroom and the occasional mind-blowing, drunken sex. What he really settles for is eating with Changmin, living with Changmin, working with Changmin and (sometimes) sleeping with Changmin. On most days, he’s satisfied with what he has.

Changmin is bright and hardworking and smart. He is sweet and shy at first, but when you get to know him, Changmin is witty and funny. He is also frustrating and stubborn and prone to periodic bursts of extreme stupidity. If Changmin wasn’t so responsible the majority of the time, Yunho would suspect that the younger man was going through a belated rebellious period or something.

Even so, there is only so much that Yunho can keep bottled up inside.

Jealousy is not a foreign emotion to Yunho. Yunho is often jealous. He is jealous when Changmin goes out with his friends and does not come home until the next morning. He is jealous when Changmin willingly does fan service with Kyuhyun or Minho, but always complains when it’s with Yunho. Most of the time Yunho is able to shrug off the feeling, because Changmin’s attitude towards their work is as serious as Yunho’s and Yunho can always trust Changmin to be home the next morning, ready to tackle their day’s schedule.

A part of him knows that he overreacted. He avoided Changmin for a whole week and ate out more often than not, but the plates of food neatly covered in clear wrap sitting in the fridge does not go unnoticed, neither does the pot of pork rib soup on top of the stove. He has reason to be angry, but Changmin had been drunk and Yunho has done his fair share of stupid things while drunk.

So after a week of ignoring Changmin, he comes home after a night out with Donghae and instead of collapsing into bed, he goes into the kitchen and heats up the soup and takes one of the neatly covered plates of food from the fridge. Later, when their manager picks them up, Yunho talks through their schedule in the back seat with Changmin, even though Changmin is perfectly capable of reading the schedule himself. Changmin nods while Yunho talks, but he isn’t looking at the notes, instead he stares at Yunho with wide eyes and says ‘Sorry, hyung’ when Yunho finishes. He isn’t talking about their schedule and Yunho isn’t talking about their schedule either when he replies, ‘Don’t worry about it anymore.’

That should have been the end of it, except when Yunho closes his eyes he keeps seeing Changmin kissing some faceless girl and it makes him think irrational things. They aren’t dating. Yunho isn’t Changmin’s boyfriend and he certainly isn’t Changmin’s keeper. He has no right to get mad over Changmin being with other people. He knows all of these things, yet what he feels is, no doubt, anger. He feels anger towards himself for being angry. He feels anger towards Changmin for being so oblivious, which leads to even more anger towards himself, because Yunho is supposed to have long accepted the fact that his feelings were not reciprocated.

 

6.

 

It’s not that Changmin is stupid, because he isn’t – it’s just that sometimes he can be a bit slow when it comes to other people’s feelings. Sometimes he can be a bit slow when it comes to his own feelings, as well. It takes Yunho putting an elbow through one of the speakers in his 5.1 Dolby Sound System for him to contemplate what Yunho means to him.

‘I’m going to kill you,’ Changmin says.

Yunho is on the floor, long legs sprawled out, Changmin’s broken speaker to his side.

‘Wait, wait Changminnie,’ Yunho starts; his eyes wide and panicked as he puts his hands up in front of him.

‘It was an accident! I was looking for my other sock and sort of slipped…. I’m really sorry Changminnie… I’ll buy you a new speaker…’

Changmin stares at him and then at his broken speaker and runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

‘I want bigger and better,’ Changmin states.

Yunho nods and gets up off the floor. His movements are slow, like he is afraid Changmin would change his mind and attack him or something, like he isn’t the one with a black belt in martial arts.

‘Of course Changmin, I’ll buy you the most expensive one there is.’

He rages to Kyuhyun because, even hours later, he’s still mad. Kyuhyun is not particularly interested in the tragic demise of Changmin’s beloved speaker and how his sound system would never be the same again. He just asks Changmin whether he needs to bring a shovel.

‘Sometimes Kyuhyun, you’re an awesome friend,’ Changmin says.

‘You must really love him if he’s still alive,’ Kyuhyun laughs, ‘because god knows you love that damn sound system.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Changmin sputters, feeling warm despite himself, ‘He’s promised to buy me the most expensive speaker there is and I plan to take full advantage of that.’

‘It’s Yunho hyung,’ Kyuhyun says, ‘You could probably get him to replace your entire sound system with the most expensive one out there if you asked.’

It’s not that Changmin isn’t aware of the fact that Yunho is affectionate towards him. Yunho is affectionate towards a lot of people. Sometimes though, it’s as though Changmin can almost physically feel the affection in his voice, in the way Yunho speaks about him to other people, in the way Yunho pulls him close and mumbles incoherently into his ear when they are both not quite as drunk as they let on.

Kyuhyun takes his silence as something else.

‘You’re not actually thinking about it, are you?’

‘Well,’ Changmin drawls, ‘I have been considering the merits of a 7.1 system…’

 

7.

 

Sometimes living with Changmin is hard. Yunho knows he’s slow, but Changmin’s explosive anger still hits him like a ton of bricks at times. It hurts him to think that Changmin had probably been mad at him for days before letting loose. They do talk things out more often now, especially since there are only two of them and their careers are sort of dependent on their communication and ability to get along.

Yunho thinks that some time apart would do them some good. In particular, Yunho thinks that some time apart would do his heart some good. They say familiarity breeds contempt, and there are times when Yunho thinks this is true for them. They see each other for long hours at work and then they see each at home. By then they are often short tempered from exhaustion and prone to childish arguments.

There are days where they arrive home and Changmin locks himself in his room, only to come out for food (which he brings back to his room to eat). Yunho wouldn’t see him except for when it was time to leave for work again. Those days are the hardest.

Yunho knows better than to bother Changmin when he doesn’t want to be bothered and honestly, they could both use some space to themselves. He’s not exactly sure how more distance will make him feel better, especially when he already feels lonely in his bed with Changmin just a few metres away in the next room. All he knows is that on some nights it hurts more than usual, especially when Yunho watches the clock on his bedside table turn to read 3:00am and Changmin’s room is still empty. Maybe if he isn’t so aware of Changmin’s every movement, his imagination will be less inclined to ponder the possibilities of where Changmin is, what Changmin could be doing, or who he could be with. Maybe, over time Yunho’s feelings will fade and they could simply be close co-workers who support each other.

Owning his own home had always been one of his life goals and Yunho thinks it’s about time for him to move forward, to give himself a chance at being happy.

 

8.

 

Changmin is trying to sleep in the back seat of the van when he hears Yunho and their manager discussing housing prices and suitable residential areas.

When he finds real estate brochures on their coffee table underneath a stack of sports magazines, Changmin throws them straight into the bin.

‘Changmin,’ Yunho says from the breakfast table, eyes watching Changmin as he carefully pours the pancake mixture into the pan.

‘I found the brochures in the bin. Can we talk about this?’

Changmin pokes at the cooking mixture with a chopstick but doesn’t reply. So maybe Yunho has tried to bring the topic up a few times over the week, but Changmin doesn’t see the point. He knows they are old enough to be living on their own and clearly Yunho has already made his decision. Yunho can buy a house and start working towards his dream of having 25 children for all Changmin cares.

He lets the pancake burn a little before dumping it on Yunho’s plate. Yunho sighs but finishes it all.

Briefly, Changmin wonders whether Yunho is still mad about the drunken incident with the random girl, but quickly dismisses the thought. He’s known him long enough to know that Yunho would confront him if that was the case; after all, he’d readily admit that he is the passive aggressive one in the relationship, not Yunho. Then he wonders whether all of his games, his sometimes-childish behaviour had finally ticked Yunho off. Finally, he wonders whether, maybe, Yunho is just sick of him. They’ve worked together for more than 10 years after all, many marriages don’t even last that long.

But Changmin is fairly sure none of these things are true. Sometimes, when he catches Yunho looking at him, it’s like Changmin is the only person he can see. Sometimes the way Yunho watches him makes him flush in embarrassment and his heart pound with excitement. It also terrifies him and makes him want to run away or say something snarky before he does or says something stupid.

Then Changmin thinks about all the deliberate crap that he has put Yunho through (not that Yunho didn’t have his stubborn and trying moments, either). There was no way that he had done something so unforgivable that Yunho would actually leave him. Right?

He thinks about it until a headache forms. He thinks about it until his chest hurts and he loses his appetite. He thinks about it until he is standing in front of Yunho’s door at 4am in the morning, terrified. Because walking into Yunho’s room, and climbing onto Yunho’s bed without one drop of alcohol to blame, is crossing the unspoken line.

His heartbeat pounds in his ears as he crosses the floor in the dark towards the bed. Changmin knows that Yunho is still awake by the way his body stiffens on the bed as he climbs under the covers. Yunho’s back is turned to him and Changmin stares at the back of his head.

There are so many questions he’d like to ask, like: _why does he suddenly want to move out? Didn’t he say that he would outstay Changmin and make the dorm his own? Was it because of something Changmin did?_ But somehow staring at Yunho’s stiff shoulders, all the questions seem irrelevant. It feels like he should be saying something else, but he is still confused and not ready and somehow, so very, very afraid.

He is surprised when Yunho suddenly rolls over and on top of him, pinning Changmin’s body beneath his.

‘Changminnie,’ Yunho breathes, ‘What are you doing here?’

Yunho’s eyes are bright in the darkness of the room and there is a clear challenge reflected in them. Changmin generally accepts challenges cautiously, but when he does, he does so with an intention to see things through to the end.

‘Why can’t I be here?’ he asks, and forces himself to stare back.

‘Changmin,’ Yunho says, his eyes are staring at Changmin’s lips and Changmin feels himself flush hotly.

His hands reach out hesitantly, fingers sliding under the old t-shirt Yunho is wearing until they brush feverish skin. He thinks about how different this is from their usual drunken fumbles, from the way they would tear at each other’s clothing, rough and desperate, an uncoordinated tangle of limbs fighting for dominance. Now, Changmin feels the way Yunho’s muscles move under his hands, the way Yunho’s heart pounds powerfully against his chest. There is no haze in his mind to prevent him from feeling everything – the heat with which Yunho looks at him, the way their perspiration makes their bodies slick against each other, the power with which Yunho moves against him – and when he feels a hand slip between their bodies, Changmin throws his head back with a groan. Lips attack his collarbone, his exposed neck and his jaw. There is a tongue lapping at the juncture between his jaw line and earlobe and then hot breaths against his ear.

‘Changmin,’ Yunho breathes with a groan and Changmin’s body is shuddering. The ceiling focuses and un-focuses as he loses control, his fingers grip at the sheets, clutch at Yunho’s arms, but it’s not enough. Yunho’s face is buried against his neck, and Changmin tugs at his hair, too far gone to care about being gentle, and crushes their lips together, shoving his tongue into Yunho’s mouth until he hears a moan and feels Yunho’s tongue slide against his own.

Changmin loses himself under Yunho’s hands and just lets himself feel. The familiarity of the weight against him, the confident way in which Yunho touches him, the heat of his kisses, the intensity with which Yunho stares down at him and the way Yunho crushes Changmin to his chest as he groans and repeats Changmin’s name again and again against his ear. It should have scared him, because Yunho like this is like an open book and Changmin is not ready to respond to what he thinks he recognises in Yunho’s gaze, but instead of running away he finds himself clinging just as tightly, uncertain, but no less desperate.

 

9.

 

To say that Changmin entering his room and climbing onto his bed was unexpected would be an understatement. At first he just wanted to scare the younger man. As if whatever was going on between them wasn’t confusing enough, Changmin has to go and climb into Yunho’s bed and just lie there? So Yunho decided to pin him down on the bed, expecting Changmin to panic and maybe hit him, but at this point Yunho doesn’t really care because he thought they had boundaries, boundaries which Yunho respected despite how much it hurt and never left him quite satisfied. Boundaries Changmin just blasted through by climbing into his bed.

He doesn’t expect Changmin to kiss him. All he can think about is how this is really happening, and how Changmin is not even remotely drunk this time. By the time Yunho fully comprehends what is happening, Changmin is pulling his t-shirt over his head and by then Yunho is too far gone to care.

Later, when they are both trying to catch their breaths, Yunho lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. Changmin doesn’t touch him. Yunho doesn’t turn to face him. The silence stretches and Yunho is aware that he’s being plain stubborn now, but so is Changmin. However, patience had never been one of his strong points and Yunho is about to turn around and tell Changmin that he had made up his mind about moving, that there was nothing Changmin could say that would change his mind, when Changmin speaks up first.

‘I’m going to buy a place too, but since I haven’t been saving as much as you it will probably be pathetically small.’

Yunho is silent for a moment, before he snorts. He has a rough idea of Changmin’s savings and despite his spending habits they are hardly pathetic.

‘But you should buy a home with at least 2 bedrooms, so that I can put stuff that doesn’t fit in my place at yours.’

Yunho turns around slowly, finally facing Changmin.

‘Changminnie,’ he says, a hand reaching out, stroking damp hair away from Changmin’s eyes.

Yunho thinks he knows what Changmin is trying to say, but wonders whether Changmin himself is truly aware of what he wants. He also thinks that Changmin is being selfish and greedy and asking for more than he is ready to handle, more than he is prepared to be responsible for.

‘Hyung…,’ Changmin says quietly, hesitant and unsure, when Yunho looks at him and doesn’t say anything.

Yunho doesn’t want to ask for a confession he knows Changmin isn’t ready to give. He doesn’t want to burden Changmin with feelings Changmin isn’t ready to accept, so he decides right then to wait. To see if absence really can make the heart grow fonder. He links their fingers together and smiles when Changmin raises an eyebrow but doesn’t pull away. There is bit of a struggle and some protesting on Changmin’s part – _YAH! Get away!_ – when Yunho tries to cuddle, but that’s alright, because he doesn’t expect everything to change overnight and Yunho is prepared to take things slow. Now that Changmin has taken the first step across their unspoken boundaries.

So later, when Yunho moves into his new home, he buys a 7.1 Dolby Sound System and sets it up in a spare room. Then he rummages around in Changmin’s bag while the other is busy rehearsing and attaches a spare key to Changmin’s key-ring.


End file.
